We must, as a species, come to terms with how we interact, set boundaries in order to protect the young. Yes, the bonobo monkeys are freeform in their behaviour, except for copulation between mother and son. Psychologists have established that this species uses sexual behaviour to cement bonds, which refutes those diehard biologists forever ranting on about how males are impelled to spread the sperm, to ensure their genes are handed down.
Why I use a primate template for human mores will hopefully become clear later. I am a Gemini, we are stereotyped as eternally youthful; in my case I love looking at young people, interacting with babies, children, young people. Once I greeted a young [15 year old] guy on a train, he had Down syndrome, along came a truckdriver-sized woman who fixed upon me a regard of SUCH disgusted ferocity as I have never seen. Inference: men are not capable of disinterested nuturing?
Yes, when I was 12 years old, I was sexually “interfered with” by a catholic priest. I know the stereotype is that I have been conditioned to return to that first sexual act, to repeat it, “not with loathing, but with joy”, as Oscar Wilde phrased it in the Picture of Dorian Grey. However, I feel NO such compulsion. Being an astrological TWIN my psychic impulse is to find a mirror of my desire, a big beefy guy, appropriately equipped. I do of course know men who were sexually abused at a younger age, who seem to be much less capable of rational decision making in this area. How they can be re-integrated into society is problematic, I agree.
But there is a scenario that women concerned with this issue seem to have skirted over, blithely. It is the fact that 80% of all acts by adults against children occur in the domestic circle, fathers, uncles, brothers; further, girls are 8 times likelier than boys to be abused. The payola for me: I would seriously suggest that vigilantes on the lookout in public for signs of “grooming” and other pedophilic behaviour should discard their homophobic stereotype. Statistically, it’s not likely to be what they assume. Yes, railway stations, eg, Central Station, where country trains terminate and country kids who have run away from the farm disembark, are likely trawling areas for such predators. I try to avoid the place myself, having worked there as a booking clerk.
Even the gender bias in the family is frequently contradicted; the primate impulse in women at a certain stage in their marriage, to withdraw from conjugal activity, seems to encourage the dad to fix his attention onto the child of whatever gender, in spite of his previous orientation. Again, 80% of ALL pedophilia happens in this situation.
The number of scenarios where the wife refuses to accept that her husband is behaving thus, from the worst with Myra Hinckley, to the boyfriend who can do no wrong, this amounts to a cultural attitude by heterosexual women: of us and them, of ours is right, that is not; it is heterosexist phobia, fear and loathing of an irrational variety. Thus we have the prosecution of the Dolly Dunn’s of the world, and yes he certainly deserved it. The type of hardened criminal acting within a tightly controlled ring of contacts, drugging children, torturing them, acting without any human consideration, these individuals need to be incarcerated.
But let us keep in mind the statistics, the domestic reality.
Of interest for me personally, is Freud’s, Kinsey’s concept of orientation as a spectrum. The fluidity of such a description is exemplified by hetero men in prison slowly changing their taste and “going gay”. I remember a conversation between two train drivers that I overheard. One said: “I hate it when a driver goes gay; first step, he divorces his wife.” Doubtless the process of shifting one’s orientation on the sexual spectrum only happens under extreme emotional stress. Perhaps, when a married woman, post partum, withdraws from sexual involvement, a man must come to terms with a major emotional rearrangement. Redirecting all that emotion to an unsuspecting child cannot be excused, however.